✧ Resting, Pasta, Candles, Stranger Things & a $244 Payment ✧

The Beginning of the Evening

I’m writing this as Stranger Things season one has just been put on, my hot pink cheetah curtains are open and there’s clouds outside- and I love clouds very much. So I’m glad those are there because it’s very comforting to me.

I’m going to be spending the next couple hours at least laying in bed, resting, eating, just calming down from the pain I just went through. I actually just paused stranger things bc im typing and wanna focus.

Today I had a health flare up. These are normal for me. I have something along the lines of IBS-C and a gut - brain related health issue. My gut is very sensitive so I’ll have tummy problems. I just spent 5 hours with this painful issue, and I finally got it fixed. Now I must relax.

This is self care and love because I accept myself in the fact that I NEED to rest, because my body went through lots of pain and now needs to rest and eat and take a breather from being so tense. I’m allowing myself and accepting myself that I won’t be working for the next few hours if at all today.

Allowing Yourself to Rest

I’m allowing myself now to submerge myself into resting. Not rushing this process so I can “get to work”. I DID- just go through a lot of work- taking care of myself. so yes I do deserve this rest.

your brain, and my brain, may be like:

“well that wasn’t work tho we earned no money and made no success; climbed no success”

but ur brain doesn’t understand that you prioritizing yourself WILL make you money. As long as you stay strong about it.

We in society, especially America and many other parts of the World are conditioned to hustle and go go go. Especially capitalist countries. So yes our brains now are like:

“aw man ://// 😢😢😢😢we aren’t working or doing anything productive. Wow i feel like shit, this is so slobby, what a looser I am, wow I’m such a failure wow why can’t I just do something right”

constant down putting of ourselves and extreme criticism that isn’t even true or necessary. But this is what we feel.

So, me counteracting this and choosing to not engage in this toxic behavior which will only produce more toxicity and produce more negativity and blockages and stagnation- I am choosing to ACCEPT the circumstances I’m in, and at this point I’m just grateful that the hard part was over.

Now I have freedom back to do what I wish for comfort. Why would I choose that time to criticize myself and just somber and scroll on tiktok mindlessly and miserably- wasting time and definitely at that point feeling like shit?

No, I’m not choosing that option. I’ll choose to accept these are my circumstances- and now move forward wisely. Prioritizing my body.

I need food, snacks, water, and other strange things. I’m going to light some candles, dress my curtains a bit better for an ambient look and aesthetic, and I’m going to quickly make my space comfy.

I’m gonna go tend to my space now, eat, and come back and blog about it.

Returning to Comfort

Okay so I’m back, I lit some more candles, I fixed the lighting to how I want it by adjusting the curtains and the amount of natural light coming through. It’s more on the darker side right now but definitely light coming through.

I heated up pasta and Olive Garden leftovers. That’s it.

Now I’m resting, vaping, watching Stranger Things. It’s also fun to blog this. I’m glad to be talking about the things that make me happy.

Intentional Living

pausing stranger things again.

Everything I do has an intention behind it or multiple intentions. These are not necessarily “spells” or labeled as such, I don’t pray or speak these intentions out loud- they are just there.

Everything I do for myself is always done in a very specific way- using my feelings.

I lit two pillar candles that I had lit all day to guide me through the painful process. I still have the list. These two are specific and have specific smells that I like, and one represents myself and my class and my self love and cleanliness, and the other represents love and my love for my boyfriend. The smells comfort me.

Everything I choose to do in life, is always tied into self love because it’s comfortable to me, and is pertaining to something that is pleasing to me, and satisfying my desires and needs. It’s basically living in luxury and as if life is pampering you all the time.

I know- I am just sitting around watching Stranger Things, smoking weed and fueling my body, not “working” right? Yes, but most people don’t understand that this quite literally is bringing me money and random payments sent to me and my books being filled even at times when I least expect it; when I’m just resting.

but you gotta understand when you rest you are regenerating and fueling this ‘receiving of abundance’ energy to come into your life. You are putting gas in the car so it can drive you forward. The car is going to the maintenance shop for the whole day so that it can get you to work and fun places. The car is You.

Why I Chose Stranger Things

Anyways, back to my order of things.

I chose Stranger Things because it’s a very nostalgic movie for me and is an extreme comfort movie for me. It’s in my top eight comfort shows and movies that I will resort to on a weekly basis.

Stranger Things came out when I was in seventh grade. I was very young, and lonely, and I started watching this and it gave me so much comfort to just enjoy being alone and snugging up enjoying this time rather than being lonely and miserable.

So I’m putting this show on now because of how much of a comfort show it is for me. I’m probably gonna eat some doughnuts now too that I got for myself last night.

Rest Generates Abundance

Another point about laying around- is I’m doing it in a way knowing that it attracts me money. EVEN if you are not getting payments DURING the time you are laying down- during this time of laying down, you are GENERATING that energy. you are almost essentially just creating the energy from scratch by living out actions in your life.

“I’m resting because I want to. and I know that I need to and should as well. It’s what my body needs, and what I’m desiring. And what my body is desiring - is telling me what I’m needing.”

you need to accept that your body wants things- and it’s okay to fucking give it to yourself without SHAME.

it’s so crazy honestly because as I’m writing this right now literally no lie- when I was typing out that quotation sentence, I just received a payment of $244 from a client. AS I WAS TALKING about how when you do the things that you want to do- and when you allow yourself to just desire things and ALLOW yourself to have those things- you are literally generating that manifestation for yourself.

this is exactly what I mean when I say:

“self love and self care will literally bring your manifestations quicker / asap”

Self Love Changes Everything

Self love and care is good for literally all situations.

“oh how do I get over this guy?”

uh idk self love maybe? it’s gonna distract u, you’re gonna start to gain success and then be even more distracted- and then ur straight WINNING because you’re thriving now.

but it seems like no one wants to take that leap and just spend some time with themselves. to just let go- of what you wanna manifest, and focus on pleasing yourself.

so back to what I was saying- laying around- quite literally manifests you money and abundance. It’s putting you in a state to receive abundance.

Rest Isn’t Just Laying Down

okay so now- it’s not JUST resting, as in laying down, watching tv, napping, decompressing, binge watching and eating.

it’s any form of rest- so any form of repairing yourself and energy. OR any form of giving back to yourself.

you know how you would do such loving things to other people such as your partner, your family, your dog, etc, etc? but won’t even give yourself time to go sit in the jacuzzi? won’t even spend a long ass time doing an everything shower, or deep cleaning, etc?

It’s as if you are giving presents or favors to other people- but it’s only yourself. so it’s that- but maxing out on it.

But don’t force anything or burn yourself out. I don’t force anything on myself in terms of routine and tasks. I do it when I feel it intuitively. but that’s kinda a whole other topic.

also- writing this journal vibes / blog is actually really cute. This is coming through as self care and not work. But the awesome thing about it is it IS work, and does contribute to it.

If I never have given in and let myself rest, I never would have come up with the idea or blogged, which honestly may have had the potential to not receive that payment just now!

This is flow energy.

Flowing Instead of Fighting

I had a painful health day. I’ve been feeling like a loser, feeling a failure and slobbish and sluggish, but somehow was able to turn this around? how? I flowed.

In other words, I accepted the circumstances I’m in, and just built from there. Instead of trying to change the circumstances or do anything drastic- just adapt to the circumstances.

I adapted slowly.

What I mean by this is it’s not like a light bulb went off and I knew what to do suddenly in full clearness. even during my painful process- it was taking longer than normal and I eventually had to accept it and my circumstances.

I slowly adjusted. I ate something small, kept watching Young Sheldon, laid down, and went slower with less pressure to fix this problem and make it go away asap.

After this health thing got over with, I was wiped out and didn’t know where to start. All I knew was vape, food, TV show, lay down. So I started there.

My body- quite literally told me what to do. It laid down on its own, it growled to tell me it’s hungry, it craved vape to tell me it wants and deserves relaxation assistance, and lastly, my brain and heart told me “show” and comfort.

I knew I wanted to watch something different than young Sheldon. different vibes but same level and depth of comfort. stranger things it is.

now, that I am pleasing my body, my spirit, it’s thanking me and rewarding me with what I wish for and desire and am actively manifesting daily. the more I continue to just keep this pace going, just don’t stop pleasing yourself, the more blessings and abundance that’s going to come in.

Accepting Your Circumstances

real shit, it’s very hard to accept your circumstances. to admit- yes, I’m in pain, and I do not know what to do or how to fix this.

It’s a realization that you’re forced to admit that makes you feel even worse about your circumstances, because you’re admitting it. saying it out loud, u stop trying to act like it’s not happening and stop pretending and let it out how it really is. You let out the truth.

This IS a good thing though. and it’s okay to ask for help, spiritually, like to God or the Universe, or physically and humanly, like to support humans and animals.

Success, Pressure & Burnout

Let me share this perspective with you.

I am a Capricorn, extremely driven and passionate and dedicated to my success to the point where I’ve cried every single night since I was 10. every single day today- I am pulling in hundreds of dollars off my hard work. Every day, I am tending to so many people. I’m making over 5k per month- I work very hard.

so imagine how much it hurts me and shatters me when:

1. a health issue comes up where I’m in so much pain and am forced to stop working

2. mental health just not being able to get through it like a more normal time- so I am forced to drop my work and “take time off work” to essentially just rest and repair my energy.

Imagine how this feels as someone who’s almost making 10k per month, with hundreds of clients depending on them 24/7, during work hours, during off work hours, I have goals to reach and time is running out and you’re telling me stupid shit like this happens? it CRUSHES me. It hurts my soul and spirit so much. my brain and heart have a very hard time with it.

So yes, it is very hard to accept your circumstances.

but the only way for me to move on, if I’m dealing with health, or mental health, is just WAIT IT OUT. let time do its thing. the more you focus on you and tend to you, and do tasks that deeply satisfy you- this will speed everything up so much faster.

same thing for love life situations like healing, or even trying to manifest someone or love. same thing for reaching goals.

Why do you think so many successful people workout and exercise? and do such nourishing things for themselves? plan out time with family and friends, go to places they love like the beach, etc, they workout, they put effort into their meals, they’re house is clean, CLEAR SPACE, CLEAR ENERGY = CLEAR MIND.

These rich and successful people are pouring into themselves and their bodies- they’re doing self love and self care. yes they’re gonna be rich- they’re doing it all the right way.

What Confidence Actually Is

you wanna know what builds my confidence? THIS! literally self love and self care.

the more you start prioritizing yourself and giving yourself the WORLD EVERY DAY- that starts to become normal, the universe responds to it with blessings- but also your spirit inside and outside becomes HAPPY and NOURISHED! replenished and fulfilled and blessed!

so ur mental health literally improves- and when your spirit- on an internal level deep deep down- when ur spirit is being blessed and nourished like that- ur spirit literally starts glowing.

This is why skin glows bruh. This is why people say:

“omg ur energy is so bright”

“omg i love your energy”

“omg ur energy is just so calming”

when you tend to your inner self, you legit SHINE AND GLOW FROM THE INSIDE OUT!!!!! and THAT is what makes confidence!

confidence is not fake- it’s real. Real confidence comes from being HAPPY and feeling OKAY in your OWN SKIN!

the more you tend to yourself- the closer you’re gonna feel with yourself, and feeling better about yourself, or even just flat out accepting yourself for who- and how- you are.

That’s what it is. it’s - feeling good about yourself because you changed NOTHING about yourself- only the way that you view yourself.

and trying to change the way you view yourself isn’t easy either! don’t force it! how you receive that state is by the actions you put into yourself.

Just keep asking your body:

“What would make you feel good?”

“What does IT want right now?”

Redirecting Instead of Spiraling

Okay break time for me now! back to resting.

Now I’m gonna tell you what WONT help: and I’m still going to use myself as an example here.

After I stopped blogging- I started scrolling on the apps and skin pulling, a bad habit that I do and fixate on. I did this for 20 or more minutes. This was NOT good.

but I’m not gonna beat myself up about it and feel so depressed and bad for the next hour- I’m just going to redirect.

I’m gonna go get doughnuts and actually watch the show and vape. just redirect.

Especially, vaping, show, doughnuts, this will take my hands away from my neck to stop fixating and genuinely hurting myself. My body (hands) picking at my neck is really just my body saying the neck/throat wants something; vape, food, breathing.

When I skin pick, it will cut breathing off. So again, my body craving doughnuts- is quite literally a blessing because my body said it wants food, sugar, comfort junk food, AND to put my hands on something else.

I’m sharing this because this is a real example of something I did do- that isn’t helping my abundance. but this is how I easily redirect.

Scrolling on apps isn’t inherently bad- but for me right now, in this specific time, mindlessly scrolling without getting inspired by anything, is bad for me, and is going to contribute to a headache. I need to watch a real movie, not stupid social media.

Second, the skin picking, it actually will block my circulation off if I do it too much. These are both bad and have a low vibe. not self loving or self caring at all.

So now let’s switch.

just to show you that I go through these things too.